Loose Loyalties
by comedictragedies
Summary: RvB. WHAHAHAHAHAAA a new recruit with a loosely disturbing loyalty has been sent to the blues. Insanity and short chapters reign with explosions and strange occurences! Constructive criticizm and advice accepted! WHOOOO!Next Chapters up! YEAH!
1. Chapter 1

It was an ordinary day on the red team. The sun was shining, Sarge was giving orders with Donut only too happy to obediently fulfill the mindless tasks he was told to do while Grif and Simmons stood guard.

"Hey" Simmons suddenly said, and Grif was already inconceivably angry about what Simmons was about to ask. "Why are we out here?" He was about to say something when a shadow zoomed in front of them. "What the fuck was that?"

"WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They suddenly heard, the shadow zipping past them again, the over their heads before the area in front of the base exploded.

"What in—" Sarge and Donut looked up at the ship; it looked like a great pair of black bat wings with blood red edges. The top opened and a gold soldier, accented with carvings, and rubies on certain points, jumped up.

"WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She creamed. "FUCK YEAH!!!!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What the fuck—it's a fucking chick!" Grif exclaimed.

"WHOOOOO!!!!!!! YEAH!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Wh—"

The red base exploded.


	2. Chapter 2

"What the fuck was that?!" Church asked, Tucker hesitating.

"Their…their base exploded."

"Come on." Church ordered, Tucker following.

Grif coughed.

"What the fuck was that…?" He asked, looking up from the floor.

"WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The gold soldier cheered. "GO BLUE!!!!!!"

"'Go blue'?" Simmons asked.

"No fucking way." Church stared.

"Dude…how the fuck did she blow up the base?"

"I don't know." They jumped when they noticed gold soldier standing in front of them. "Woah—where'd you come from?"

"Gold, reporting for duty, sir!"

"Gold? Is that you're name?"

"No, sir!"

"Umm…then what the fuck does 'gold' mean!"

"Duh, it's a color."

"I think…it's the color of her armor." Caboose said.

"What—whoa, where the fuck did you come from?!" Church almost yelled.

"Well…Church said that when a mommy and daddy really love each other…"

"Shut up—that's not what I meant—dammit!" he turned to the gold soldier. "You're our new recruit, then?" he asked.

"Yup!" Gold answered.

"Fine—come on."

"Awesome—GO BLUE!!"

"Uh, yeah. Right. 'Go blue'."


	3. Chapter 3

"So, your saying their base just exploded?" Tex asked.

"Yeah." Church confirmed.

"And…this girl was just there? Going 'whooo'?"

"Yup." tucker said.

"WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gold cheered.

"Right…" Tex said. "Uh, Gold?"

"Yeah?" Gold asked cheerfully.

"Why are you here?"

"I was sent by command to help the blues in their war against the reds and the ghost-zombie dudes of the dumbass boxed canyon planet of ghost-zombie dudes and retards!"

"Ghost-zombie dudes?" Tucker said. "Hey—did you just call me a retard?"

"If the retard-shoe fits, dumbass! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GHOST-ZOMBIE DUDES ARE GONNA DESTROY THE PLANET!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What the fuck is this bitch talking about…?" Church asked.

"Uh, I called about the ghost-zombies in the base…" Caboose said suddenly.

"The hell—quit doing that!" Church jumped.

"Bitch?" Gold repeated. "YAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE DOOMED!!!!!!!!"

"Wha—"

Church exploded. Gold cheered as Church and Tucker flew high in the air, Tex watched as they slammed into the ground twenty feet away.

"Wow." Tex commented. "That was pretty cool."

"And shiny." Caboose agreed.

"Duh!" Gold laughed.

"Right…how did you do that, again?"

"With my mad skills of DOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gold cheered.

"Okay…" Tex said. "I'm going inside." Gold cheered, Tex humored and Caboose content as Church and Tucker groaned, the three heading inside the base.


	4. Chapter 4

Tucker awoke to the sound of screams. At first, however, he didn't _really_ 'hear' anything; he was having a pleasant dream about picking up chicks when suddenly their mouths opened up wide—creepy wide—and they started screaming a scream that sounded an awful lot like Church.

"Wha…?" He asked wearily, just about to go back to sleep when a scream made him jump and tumble out of bed with a thud. He groaned, yelping and grabbing from his blankets to cover his half naked body when a soldier in gold kicked the door open.

"What the fuck—who are you?!"

"WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

"Oh…right. Gold. Sonofabitch…" Tucker groaned, curling on the floor and throwing the blankets over his head.

"DESTRUCTION OF THE GHOST-ZOMBIE DUDES!!!!!" Gold shouted, Tucker screaming like a little girl when the wall behind him exploded.

"Groooooaan…"

"EEEEEEEEEK!" Tucker screamed, a rotting corpse jumping at him from behind the wall. He tried to dodge but it got him, falling right through him onto the floor.

He screamed regardless.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!"

"Groooooooaaaannn…"

"DIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gold screamed, blasting at the creature. Tucker screamed some more, running around in circles to just dodge the blasts before the ghost-zombie went through the wall. Gold shot at the wall, then the other side.

And that was the end of the ghost-zombie dude.

"VICTORY FOR GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH GOLD!"

"Why didn't you just shoot at the other side first?!" Tucker demanded, staring at the hole in the walls and what was left of his room.

"Duh—because exploding stuffs are fun! Like this one: YAAAY YOU'RE DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Wha—"

BOOM.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tucker lay on the ground, steaming and twitching like bacon. "Okay, _fine_." Gold groaned. "I'll fix you're rooooom." She sighed at the thought of such work. "Yaaaay you're room's fiiiiixed." She said sarcastically, and in an instant, it was done. Tucker stared wide eyed, his mouth dropped. Gold yawned before a rumbling caught her ears. "Wow, working sure does make me hungry." She thought aloud. "Speaking of bacon, I totally want bacon—burnt to a crisp!!"

"Hey!" Tucker said suddenly as Gold hopped away. "I resent that statement…"


	5. Chapter 5

"Gold!" Church yelled.

"Hi!" Gold yelled back from the kitchen. Church stormed in, Tucker behind him.

"What the fuck was that?!"

"What the fuck was what?" Tex asked, strolling in.

"Those—_things_!"

"Did you know that you're voice gets really high pitched when you get really mad?" Gold asked.

"Gold destroyed the zombie-ghosties!" Caboose exclaimed.

"YEAH!" Gold cheered.

"What the fuck are you people talking about?!" Tex yelled.

"I'll explain!" Gold volunteered. "There was a tree who knew this tree who knew this tree knew this tree who knew this tree who knew this tree who knew this tree knew this tree who knew this tree…" 5 months later. "…who knew this flesh eating tree who ate flesh then one day a guy sat in the tree and the tree got mad and ate him then a squirrel came and began to dance then he ate the tree and went back to his home planet then he found this frog named Hi and Hi told him about one time he ate a toilet and then EXPLODED it was funny Oh then a rat came and left then No Name stared Yelling because he wasn't in the story only he was in the story but didn't know… HI!!!!!!!!!!!! The moral of the story is: Gir is cool!****"

"…what?!" Church yelled.

"Ch. It was pretty clear to me, Church." Caboose said. "She said she was eating cake when her commander-guy walked in and told her that they were called by someone here about zombie-ghosties and she was given orders to destroy them, then join the blues because he also mentioned they were not doing so well against the reds at that moment he was calling. I like cake."

"Yeah! Chocolate Cake!" Gold affirmed. Tucker blinked. Tex gave up and took a large plate of chicken out of the fridge.

"O-kay…but that still doesn't explain who made the call…" Church said slowly.

"I did." Caboose said happily before his voice dropped to a low whisper. "Those zombie-ghosties were scary." Church sighed. Everyone jumped when they heard a loud burp.

"Woah! Excuse me!" Tex said quickly.

"Tex?" Tucker asked. "How the fuck did you eat all that in full armor?!"

"With her mad skills, yo!" Gold replied.

"Yeah. With my 'mad skills yo'."

"WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Attention, maggots!" Sarge yelled. "Because of a recent mishap occurring with an obviously very high-leveled golden soldier—"

"You mean gold freak!" Grif yelled.

"—As well as Grif's incompetence."

"Hey!"

"I agree, sir. Grif should have handled that a lot better." Simmons agreed.

"Kiss-ass." Grif mumbled.

"Shut up Grif! As I was saying, because of that recent mishap I called command about getting us a new base and sending us a soldier of better or equal stature to that gold lunatic sent here."

"And?" Simmons asked.

"Well, command couldn't send us a new base, but lucky for us Lopez here fixed it! Good job, Lopez!"

"Gracias, tu marcia meridional."

"That's great, sir, but what about the soldier?" Simmons asked.

"What? Oh, yes. Our new recruit should be here any minute now."

"Oh! What's he or she like, sir!" Donut asked.

"Anyone know about that drill sergeant John? Was a gym teacher in some high school before he joined the army?"

"That lunatic?!" Grif asked. "That's who's coming?! He's crazy!"

"Hells, no, Grif! Stop asking stupid questions, dammit! And stop interrupting! I asked a yes or no question, not for you're life story!"

"So who's coming?" Donut asked.

"This guy was apparently not only a student of John before they were drafted, but he was also his top student of the last cavalry he trained!"

"Oh, great." Grif complained. "This guy's probably as crazy as that drill-sergeant!"

A great ship that resembled wings of gold with glittering jewels flew high in the sky. Around the ship was a force field only seen occasionally in waves that ripped throughout the encircling field. Sitting in a chair propped high in the middle of the spacious control-room sat a soldier in shining gold armor with glittering sapphires within the carved design. Three Days Grace flowed through the speakers surrounding the entire room. The solider pressed a button on a keyboard held to the side of armrest and two large, holographic screens popped up, one considerably larger than the other. The soldier than pressed another button and the music stopped.

"Locations." The soldier said, his deep voice booming into the distance.

"_Blood Gulch; Red Base"_ the smaller screen enlarged, the other shrinking. "_Blue Base._" The smaller screen enlarged to the size of the other, both hovering beside each other. The soldier looked at the bases, pressing another button and Slipknot pounded from the speakers, two gold hands resting on two levers on two keyboards that moved in front of him.

"Lock and load, fuckers."

Church was grumbling to himself when he took his post at the top of the Blue Base. He didn't even notice the ship that whipped over the base without a sound until the base exploded, Church flying.

"Sonofabitch!"

"Sonofabitch!" Donut, Grif and Simmons yelled, the whole canyon trembling under the force of the explosion. Fire and smoke burst from the Blue Base, Sarge suddenly laughing.

"Right on time!" The ship flew over, landing easily on the ground before them. The door to the large ship opened wide, the gold soldier strolling out. "Welcome, soldier!" Sarge greeted. "What's yer name?"

"They call me York." He said simply.

"York? As in the guy from the special opts unit York?" Donut asked. "That guy single-handedly destroyed two blue bases that teamed up to attack Command! You're that York?"

"No." York said. Sarge interrupted him.

"Then why in Sam Hell introduce yerself as York?!"

"Because I killed him." Everyone went silent until Sarge started laughing.

"Now that's what I call a soldier!"

"Thank you, sir." York said.

"This way, soldier, I'll show you to your room."

"Yes sir. Thank you sir."


	6. Chapter 6

_Once I ran to you (I ran)_

_Now I run from you_

_This tainted love you give me_

I'll give you all a boy can give you… 

"Dammit!" Grif shouted suddenly.

"What?" Simmons asked, turning towards him. They'd been on patrol for over an hour of nonstop Marilyn Manson blasting from one of the rooms in the Red Base. Can anyone guess who?

"That music's making me fucking crazy!" Grif exasperated.

"Well deal with it, private!" Sarge yelled, making them jump.

"Sarge? What the hell are you doing here?" Grif asked.

"Just checking up on you two to make sure you're doing you're jobs right—quit socializing soldiers! You're patrolling, not insulting my top soldier! Donut can do a better job that you two!"

"Well I like York's music, sir."

"Ah, can it Simmons." Sarge said, walking away. When he was gone, Grif chuckled.

"What?" Simmons asked.

"Looks like Sarge's got a new second in command." Grif said leeringly.

"What? No way. I'll always be Sarge's second…"

"You sure?" Grif asked. "Cause it didn't sound like it."

"Shut up, Grif."

"Whatever, kiss ass." Grif chuckled. He couldn't have known that Simmons' hands had tightened around his gun in worry as he looked back at Sarge, wandering back into the base.

"York!" Sarge called, knocking on York's locked door in hopes to be heard over the loud music. The volume was instantly lowered. "You in there, soldier?" He waited a few moments.

"Just a minute." The soldier said, and within a moment, the door was open, the gold soldier standing in the doorway. "Yes, sir?"

"IO just wanted to personally see how you were doing, soldier."

"Um, fine sir, and you?"

"Very good, soldier, very good. I haven't told you how proud I was to see you blow up the blue base, have I? Good job, now that's what I call ambitious. Who knows, maybe you'll be a commanding officer, one day."

"Thank you, sir."

"But for now, you'll just have to settle for my second in command. Whaddyou say, soldier?"

"I'd be honored, sir!" Gold said, snapping into attention and salute.

"At ease, soldier! Everyone's out back. What say we tell them the news!"

"Yes, sir."


	7. Chapter 7

"Ladies! Front and center on the double!"

"Yes sir!" Simmons answered as he ran towards Sarge. Grif sighed, following.

"What is it, Sarge?" Donut asked. "Oh! Have the blues called in for surrender?"

"Quiet, private! I have an announcement to make! York here in my new second in command."

"What?!" Simmons yelled.

"That's right—York! Anyone who doesn't follow your orders may be killed on sight."

"Especially Grif, sir?" Sarge chuckled.

"Yes, especially Grif, soldier."

"Awesome. Donut! Go bake a cake in exactly forty seconds. Chocolate."

"Yes sir!" Donut said happily.

"And Grif, Simmons. Take off your helmets and start making out."

"WHAT?!"

"You heard me."

"Sarge!" Simmons exclaimed.

"Sarge, can you see their disloyalty towards Command?"

"Disloyalty?" Grif asked. "We're disloyal to Command by not making out?!"

"Donut." York said.

"Command placed Sarge in charge of this unit. Sarge placed York as second in command with authority almost equal to his—almost. Therefore, by not respecting my authority, you're not respecting Sarge's, saying you're also not respecting Command, meaning you're not loyal."

"Good job, now go bake that cake." York ordered.

"Alright!" Donut exclaimed, running off to bake the cake.

"You heard the man!" Sarge yelled. "Now take of yer helmets and start the hanky panky or York here'll blast yer disloyal asses to…the fiery depths of Hell!" He said dramatically.

"I'd rather be blasted to the fiery depths of hell than make out with that!" Grif shouted.

Boom.

"Nice shot, soldier."

"Thank you, sir."


	8. Chapter 8

The Blues, Tex and Gold stood before the demolished ruins they once called the Blue Base, Caboose pocking Tucker's unconscious body with a stick.

"What the fuck happened?!" Tex demanded as she turned to Church. "I turn my back on you cockbites for 10 minutes, and you get the base blown up!"

"Well what the fuck did you expect me to do about it?" Church asked. "Tucker was in the base, too!"

"Yeah, but I left _you_ in charge! I would've been better off putting Caboose in charge!" Upon hearing his name, Caboose looked up.

"I think I would be scared when the scary fire monsters eat the base…" Tex sighed angrily, but she wasn't nearly as angry as Gold.

"I can't believe that bitch blew up our base!!" Gold shouted. Caboose gasped.

"You know the scary fire monsters?"

"What are you talking about?" Church asked.

"I fucking hate that fucking bitch—!"

"You know who blew up our base?" Tex asked.

"I fucking hate that fucking bitch I fucking hate her I fucking hate her I FUCKING HATE THAT FUCKING BITCH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Woah…" Tucker said, suddenly conscious. "She really doesn't like the guy who blew up our base…"

"Yeah. No fuck fucking shit."

"So what should we do?"

"Yay! The base is fixed!" Gold cheered suddenly. "And yaaay! The Red Base is DOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Silence.

Silence.

More silence.

"THAT FUKCING BITCH I HATE YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU WILL KNOW OF MY POWERS OF SQUIRRELLY GOLD DOOOOOM AND YOU'LL BE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Uh, does anyone else hear…screaming?" Simmons asked.

"Forget about your sick delusions, Simmons!" Sarge ordered. "I have an order for the two of you!" Grif sighed.

"Here we go."

"Now that I finally have a solider like York, we can storm the Blues and win this once and for all!"

"So what's the plan, Sarge?"

"We'll storm in and kill everyone on sight." York said simply.

"I wasn't asking _you_." Simmons said, annoyed.

"That's the plan?" Grif asked. "we're just going to run in and kill everyone?"

"I know what you mean, private!" Sarge said. "York here is truly an amazing strategist."

"Thank you, sir."

"This is ridiculous!" Grif complained.

"Shut up, private before I have York here blast you to…the fiery depths of hell!"

"What is it with you and Hell?" Grif gulped, however, when York raised his gun.

"Go get your weapons. We attack now."

"What?" Grif and Simmons asked.

"Move!" York and Sarge yelled. They obeyed.


	9. Chapter 9

Caboose ran to the door that led into the blue base.

"Church!"

"Goddammit, what is it, Caboose?!"

"The scary lava people are attacking just like in my dreeeeeeaam!!!"

"Caboose, I told you; there are no lava people, that was just a dream."

"But gold said they would eat us with their lazer toe-dude visions of purple!"

"What?" Church asked, walking through the door way. "Caboose what are you—sonofabitch!"

Church was thrown into the wall from the force of the blast as the reds stormed the base.

"Good shot, soldier!" Sarge said.

"Thank you, sir." York said, running ahead. Sarge sniffed.

"I am so proud of that kid." Simmons let out a cry of anger, but Sarge didn't seem to notice.

"What the fuck is going on up here—sonofabitch…" Tex rose her gun and shot at York, missing. York shot at her, but Tex managed to dodge it, jumping into the base. Tucker ran out.

"Shit!" He yelled, shooting and missing every shot. He, too, was thrown back by a shot.

"Nice shot, Sarge!" Simmons said.

"Thank you, soldier. Now shuddap and shoot!"

"Church! Nooooooo!!" Caboose cried. "Church is dead!"

Church coughed. Caboose gasped.

"Zombie!"

"Caboose…you…idiot…" Church coughed. "Where's Tex?"

"Ah!" Simmons cried, slammed into the ground by a shot. Grif was next.

"What in Sam Hell—what's going on?"

"Alright Tex!" Tucker cheered.

"Sonofabitch!" Tex screamed, exploding.

"Sonofabitch!" Church and Tucker yelled as the invisibility function of Tex's armor wore off. She was shot again, blasting high into the air where she was shot with rapid fire. Her black armor changed colors until it exploded in a faint light and she was sent slamming into the wall. The force threw her meters from it, and she slammed into the ground.  
"Fuck!" They cried.

"Dude, I think she's dead!" Tucker said. "That guy is fucking crazy!"

"What the fuck—it's another gold!" Church exclaimed.

"YOU!"

"I thought you were here." York said, turning to Gold.

"Know my squirrelly DOOOM!"

Silence.

Silence.

More silence.

"Uh…where are the squirrels?" York asked.

"AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Gold and York turned to their fellow blue and red soldiers as they were attacked by giant squirrels.

"Oops. That's a new one." Gold laughed.

"Fucking awesome." York agreed. "Now, what are you doing with the blues?"

"Blues rock!" Gold cheered.

"Blues suck."

"Red sucks!"

"But should Gold not be blue and the other gold be red?" Caboose asked suddenly.

"What?!" They both yelled.

"Duh—that's what the sparklies says!"

"Sparklies…?" They looked at each other.

"Cha. Gold has red sparklies and the other gold has blue!"

"Shit…" York said. "That means…"

"That we…"

"Were switched!" They both exclaimed.

"Those idiots can't even keep the conspiracy straight!" York shouted.

"I don't care!" Gold decided. "I'm a blue. If she wants to be a dummy red, then fine by me."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Shall we fight?" York suggested.

"DIE!" Gold yelled, shooting. York jumped above the blasts, but Gold followed with the gun as York did a flip in the air, shooting in mid jump. The blast hit some of the bullets Gold shot, but Gold dodged the blasts, still shooting and chasing each other with the guns.

"AAAAHHH!!!!" The blue and red soldiers (the living ones) cried, running from the blasts of the two gold soldiers as they flipped, shot, dodged, and destroyed everything in their way.

"Those psychos are destroying the base!" Tucker cried as he jumped behind a big rock.

"You wanna stop them?" Church asked.

"No fucking way, dude!" They both screamed as the soldiers found their way to that side, Church and Tucker leaping from the rock into the open as it exploded.

"Fuck!" Grif hissed, leaping behind the same rock that Sarge hid behind within the cliff side. Simmons jumped behind him, the blues after.

"You see soldiers? This is what I call a war!"

"You're fucking crazy!" Grif yelled, dodging a stray blast.

"I agree with you, Sarge" Simmons said, ducking under another blast. "This is truly an amazing fight."

"Ah, cut the brown nosing, Simmons—York is my top soldier, now!" Simmons growled, Grif laughing.

"They're destroying the fucking base!" Church growled.

"Where the fuck is Caboose?" Tucker asked.

"You mean that guy?" Donut asked, pointing to Tucker.

"No, I'm Tucker!"

"No, I mean behind you!"

"Yes?" Church and Tucker yelled, jumping back.

"Oh! Is this a surprise party?"

"Just shut up and get down, Caboose!" Church yelled, pulling Caboose down as another stray blast destroyed the rock just behind Caboose's head.

"Now just look at that skill! York is truly an amazing solider—worthy of my second! Finally, a competent soldier! No offense to you guys."

"Whatever." Grif said, shrugged. Simmons growled again.

"Who would've thought John would let this kid go?" Sarge continued.

"That's it!" Simmons yelled,. Standing up and raising his gun. "York!"

"What? Simmons! What in tarnation do you think you're doing!" But Simmons didn't hear, jumping from the security of the rock and screaming as he blasted away at the two gold soldiers, who screamed, jumping back dodging each attack.

"He's gone crazy!" Tucker exclaimed.

"He does not seem very happy…" Caboose said. "Does he not like parties?"

"Grif! Stop that idiot before he kills my best soldier!"

"AAHH!!!" Simmons blasted high in the air, York blasting him higher and higher as he did to Tex. Gold cheered as Simmons armor changed colors before, like with Tex, it finally exploded, Simmons slamming into a wall, then the ground in the same way Tex did. Gold cheered louder.

"Uh…never mind, Grif."

"Fuck…" Grif whispered.

"Well, that's it." York said. "I'm out of bullets."

"Me, too." Gold said.

"Temporary cease-fire, or hand to hand?"

"Eh, I'm sleepy."

"Me, too. Cease-fire, then. And we want your flag."

"Whatever. Tucker touched it, anyway." They shook hands.

"Finally!" Church exclaimed. "Gold, fix the base."

"What do we say?" Church sighed.

"Gold, can you please fix the base?"

"Yaay! The base is fiiiixed!"

"What in—how did she do that?!" Sarge asked.

"I don't wanna know." Grif said, walking to the blue base. Sarge watched as York went up to Simmons and kicked him. He groaned.

"Hey, he's alive!" Gold exclaimed. "Haha, now you have to help him!"

"Actually—" Sarge started, only to be interrupted by Gold.

"Nope!" She laughed. "York's _gotta_ do it! If someone on the team needs help, traitor or not, she has to help them! Pisses you off, huh York?" Sarge thought about that as York hoisted Simmons onto his shoulder, steadying himself under the wait before he continued to the red base.


	10. Chapter 10

Only a day had passed since the attack on the Blues. Sarge gave Grif orders to find Simmons—apparently, York had another plan to attack the next day. They hopes to have Simmons' armor fixed until then; at least temporarily. Either that, or for the new armor to arrive.

Nonetheless, Grif grumbled as he headed for Simmons' room, finding him there, sulking.

"I can't believe that worked…!" Simmons cried. "Maybe York is a better soldier than me."

"Aw, don't go saying that." Grif said, walking in. "You're a great soldier, really!"

"You're just saying that."

"Well…yeah. But I fucking hate York. Ever since she showed up all we've been doing is work! She has a plan to attack the Blues again tomorrow! Plus, you sulking's making the whole base fucking depressing."

"She? York's a guy."

"I dunno man. Something tells me that's a load of bullshit."

"Yeah? And what could tell you that?" Simmons asked.

"Maybe it was the other gold soldier in the blues."

"What about her?"

"Uh…she called York a 'she'? Look, I'm giving you back your position, you dumb fuck! York's a girl, and I'm gonna prove it, and once I do, Sarge probably won't want her as his second in command."

"And…why not?" Simmons asked. "Even if he is a girl, which he isn't, he was still John's top soldier, right? And this was after he was a student of his, meaning John would've known."

"Uh…Yeah, right. Whatever; I'm still going to prove he's a girl. Just you wait and see!"

"Sure. Whatever." Simmons said, and went back to his sulking.

"Oh, and Sarge wants us outside. York has a new plan to attack the Blues. Hey, maybe you can try to prove yourself to the Sarge! You know, since the last attempt worked out so great and all."

"Whatever…" Simmons said, walking past Grif outside.

"On the double, soldiers!" Sarge yelled, Simmons and Grif wandering up. "Simmons! What in Sam Hell are you doin without your armor! You'll burn like an overcooked tomato!"

"Can tomatoes burn…?" Grif asked.

"Shut up, Grif! York here has a truly amazing strategy, and he's only going to say it once, so listen up! Anyone who botches this up gets his ass blown sky-high with York's special combat move!"

"That wasn't special—she just shot at him until his armor exploded!" Grif yelled when the ground beneath him exploded. "What the fuck was that?!" Grif yelled, slamming into the floor.

"Isn't it obvious soldier? God has smited you for your stupidity! Praise the Lord and may he bless us with the death of Grif!"

"Amen." York said.

"Now, listen up, you hog monkeys! York has a plan that could wipe out the Blues!"

"Does it involve 'storming their base' again?" Grif groaned.

"By tomorrow the Blues will attack us." York said simply. "At dawn you will lead the frontal defense."

"What?" Grif asked. By now Simmons was noticeably sulking, his eyes glued to the ground.

"Without weapons."

"You're fucking crazy!" Grif yelled, only, again, to be blown up.

"There are bombs I have set. You will stand there." York pointed to an area a few meters from their current positions. "They will walk into the traps, and I will take down Gold."

"And if Gold gets us first?!" Grif asked.

"Then you will be remembered always as sacrificed for our case!" Sarge announced. Grif groaned, Simmons not saying a word.

"Your plan sucks," Grif shouted.

York shot him.

"Nice shot soldier!"

"Thank you, sir."

"So, is everyone clear?" Gold said happily. "Tucker, Simmons and what's left of Tex will lead our attack." Tex pouted, everyone glancing at her and her lack of armor. "Dibs on York! Piece a cake! And I like cake. I'm gonna go make a cake!" Gold ran off to the base, Church and Tucker sighing. Tucker watched as Tex got up and walked inside, only to be smacked in the head by Church.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing." Church said quickly.


	11. Chapter 11

The suns hung high in the sky, the planet of Blood Gulch somehow seeming even hotter underneath the great balls of fire.

"Hey!" Gold said. "There's more than one sun!" Church sighed at her exclamation.

"Where's Tex?" He asked.

"She's putting on her new armor." Gold said cheerfully.

"New armor?"

"Yeah—it arrived sometimes yesterday."

"What? When?" Church asked.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…"

"Never mind…"

"Oh yeah! About 3!"

"In the afternoon?"

"No—in the morning! But don't worry—I was awake."

"What were you doing up at three in the morning? You know what? Never mind."

"Are we leaving yet?" Tucker asked lazily, coming onto the platform. Caboose was behind him.

"When Tex is here." Gold answered.

"Where's Tex?"

"She's putting on her new armor."

"New armor?" Tucker asked.

"Yeah—it arrived sometimes yesterday."

"What? When?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…"

"Gruh—it came at three in the morning. Gold got it."

"What was Gold doing up at three in the morning?" Tucker asked.

"Alright, I'm here. Let's go." Tex said, coming out in her black armor.

"Cool!" Gold cheered. "Everyone remember the plan?"

"Uh, yeah…" Church said.

"But maybe Gold should repeat it." Caboose said in a low whisper. "In case some people…don't remember."

"Okay!" Gold said happily. "We charge with Tex, Church and Tucker leading! Dibs on York! Oh, and Tex?"

"Yes?" Tex asked.

"It is suddenly very cold…" Caboose said, looking at Gold. "Ooh…what are those happy-faces swirling around Gold? No, wait…they do not look very happy. They look mad."

"Holy shit—Gold's a demonic freak!" Tucker said, jumping back.

"I said dibs on York." Gold said. "If you attack York, I'll eat you like a chocolate mouse cake. I like chocolate mouse cake!"

"Oh, never mind. It's hot again. Oh, and the happy-faces are gone."

"Uh…right. Whatever you say." Tex said nervously.

"Yaay! Charge!"

"What the fuck are we doing here?" Grif asked. Simmons sighed. "How long are you doing to fucking do this?"

"Do what?" Simmons asked. He impersonated Simmons' long, heavy sigh, only to have Simmons reply with it.

"Oh, come one! All of this because York's Sarge's second in command?! If it were me, and I actually cared, I wouldn't sit around and mope about it—I'd kick his ass!"

"I tried that already…" Simmons groaned.

"Oh…right…" Grif said, suddenly remembering as Simmons exploded. "Hehe…heehee….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh, come on! It wasn't that funny!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHAHAHAHAAA…AHAH….hahahaha….heehee, hehe…okay. Okay, I'm done."

"Thank you—"

"HAHAHAHA!!!!!!" Simmons groaned.

"Ready soldiers!" Gold shouted. They groaned in response. "Chaaaaarge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"There they are…" Sarge said, ready with a sniper rifle. "Looks like Grif and Simmons are done for…Oh, well!" York remained silent, watching. "Something wrong, soldier?"

"Change of plan, Sarge…I'm starting to get a weird feeling."

"A weird feeling? Don't tell me your getting girlie on me now, soldier!!"

"Never, sir." York said, standing.

"Then what's the problem?!" Sarge demanded.

"That, sir."

"CHAAAARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gold yelled, the blues ahead of her as they ran down the mountain.

"Shit—they're coming!!" Grif yelled. "You ready, Simmons?" Simmons didn't say a word, raising his rifle.

"Do you hear…screaming…?"

"What? You mean the bBues?"

"No, I mean—"

A flash of purple zoomed by.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T STOP!!!!!!!"

"Godammit…" Grif said.

"Goddammit!" The Blues said.

KABOOM!!!!

"Huh. So that's what you meant…" Sarge said, looking over the ruins that was once the around the base. "I'd say that was the biggest

explosion, yet!"

"I agree, sir."

"I guess we outta go down there and check for survivors, huh?"

"I guess so, sir." Sarge sighed.

"Alright, let's go."


	12. Chapter 12

"CHAAARGE!" Gold yelled, and dashed for the refrigerator. Church groaned.

"It's 10am! Why are you yelling 'charge' why running at the fridge—hey, wait a second! How the fuck did we get here?!"

"Well," Gold began. "first, there was nothing. Then a big bang happened and we were all…fish! Then another big bang happened and we turned into mutated monkey-fish and stepped out of the ocean where we turned into monkey-dudes, then mutated monkey-dude freaks—the 'human'!"

"What?! No, I mean what the fuck are we doing _here_! Weren't we about to fight in a big battle against the reds?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Gold said simply, throwing bacon on the stove. "Bacon?"

"Sure."

"Well too bad!" Gold laughed.

"What? Fuck you I'm not very hungry anyway…" Church mumbled. "Where's Tex and the rest of them?"

"Well, Caboose is sleeping and Tex and Tucker are recovering from battle."

"Oh, really—wait! I thought you just said there was no battle!"

"I never said that!" Gold said. "I said I had no idea what you were talking about! We've had lotsa battles here!" Church growled.

"The one from yesterday where we stormed the reds!"

"Oh, that battle!" Gold exclaimed slowly. Church just groaned again, banging his head on the table. Tucker suddenly stepped into the kitchen.

"Boy, am I hungry! Whacha making? Hey, Church, how come you're banging your head against the table like that…?"

"He's trying to get the stupid out of his stupid head. As for me, I'm making bacon—burnt to a crisp! Yummy!"

"Uh, right. Hey, wasn't there a battle yesterday?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"He means the fucking fight yesterday where we stormed the reds!" Church yelled.

"Well you don't have to yell." Gold pouted, and that's when Church suddenly realized something.

"Hey, wait, how come you're not wearing any armor? How come I'm not wearing any armor? What the fuck is going on?! What happened?!"

"Yeah!" Tucker said. "Who won?!"

"Oh, all our armor got blown up—it's dust now. Boy was York mad! She really liked her armor—she stole all these special parts from the original York. I'm sure she'll find some way to fix it, though…" Gold mumbled, the fire under her eggs and bacon oddly growing.

"Uh…" Tucker backed away from the stove.

"Damn bitch always finds some way to fix her fucking stuff DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ah!" Tucker and Church yelled as the fire engulfed the stove, exploding behind her.

"One day I shall reign upon your world with a firey doom of squirrelly BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, my bacon's done!" Gold smiled big, turning off the stove, tossing her charred bacon on a plate and sitting down.

"Uh…okay…" Church said slowly. "Why don't we remember anything…?"

"Oh, yeah, I got pissed off at you guys and drugged you before the battle so I can have a little fun."

Silence.

Gold ate her bacon.

More silence.

"This is yummy."

"WHAT?!"

"I said this is yummy!" Gold repeated happily.

"Whaddyou mean you drugged us?! What the fuck did you do to us!" Church demanded.

"Wow, I knew I was hot but damn—never been drugged before—"

"Like, ew." Gold interrupted. "I stole your guys's cash." With that, she stuck her tongue out at them. "And since you guys are too dumb to remember, we have a temporary cease-fire…at least until our new armor comes in."

No one said a word. Tucker decided to make his own breakfast while Church proceeded to bang his head against the table.

"I'm telling you, Sarge, York's a girl!"

"Can it Grif, before I hog-tie you and sell you to science to do creepy, humiliating and downright embarrassing experiments on you!" Dark brown eyes flashed back at Grif with an annoyance as Sarge walked faster down the halls of the base, Grif annoyingly keeping up with the older man.

"Aw, c'mon, Sarge!" Grif tried, brushing his blond locks—considerable longer since the beginning of the war—from his green eyes. "You saw the way she snuck into the base after her armor was blown up—and she hasn't been out of her room all day!"

"Grif, if you call York a 'she' one more time…"

"She doesn't want anyone to know!"

"Dammit, soldier! Go stand on look-out for the new armor before I hand you over to Donut as his partner on hand-puppet Tuesdays!" Grif groaned.

"Fine, but just you wait, Sarge! I'll prove to all of you that York is a girl!" Sarge watched his leave, running a hand through his dark and already graying locks.

"What in hell is that boy talking about…?"

"Sir." Sarge turned around.

"Ah, York! There you are!" York saluted.

"Back from the infirmary, sir!"

"At ease, soldier. I see your armor has been fully repaired. Who would have expected that second explosion? Any redeemable parts from that ship?"

"No, sir." York replied. "Lopez and I have, however, managed to save the two soldiers within the ship. One is in stable condition, the other is fully conscious and requests a meeting with you, sir."

"Well, then what are we doddling for, solider? Let's get a-movin!"

"Sir!"

She had long straight locks that spilled to her waist like a waterfall of gold. Her eyes were the color of milk chocolate, her skin like moonlight. She wore long, black baggy pants and black shoes, a bandeau top of crimson red strapped to her chest with a topaz buckle and gold. A long, black trench coat sat beside her. There were several gold and steel cuffs around her wrists, on her arms, and several rings on her fingers and in her ears. With her arms crossed over her chest, sitting cross-legged and unmoving in silence on the metal table, her deep pink lips pulled into a pout and her eyes set cold at the door, she seemed angry.

The door opened, the two armored Spartans stepping inside.

"A girl…?" The red one asked.

"Yes, sir." The blue one responded.

"But…"

"Don't be fooled, sir. She's a special soldier, one of the best of her kind."

"I can hear you, y'know. I'm right here."

"Where is your armor, soldier?" Sarge asked.

"It blew up cause dumbass there can't drive. Where's yours?"

"It blew up cause dumbass there can't drive." York responded for Sarge. There was silence—an uncomfortable silence—before the girl smirked. The smirk turned into a smile, and suddenly the girl broke into laughter.

"I knew it!" She giggled.

"Uh…knew what?" Sarge asked, but the girl kept laughing. Sarge leaned in towards York. "Looks like she blew a screw lose in that fall…"

"WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" The girl screamed, and in a puff of pink smoke she was gone.

"Haaa—her smoke is still pink." York laughed quietly and Sarge stared.


End file.
